User blogs

A couple of years ago I was asked by the University President and Hospital CEO to write a conflict resolution pledge for their organizations. This is what I came up with:

Whether you are part of a Church, College, School or Hospital Staff, maintaining a HIGH MORAL is the key to your future development. However, a successful organization’s HIGH MORAL swiftly evaporates under the weight of interpersonal conflict. Only 1 negative step backwards will undo 100 positive strides forward. Negative steps in a leadership staff occur via one of three Conflict Engendering Items (CEI):

 1. Gossiping, whispering, backbiting, offenses, abusive speech, or slander.

 2. Complaining (falls into two categories):

     a. Grumbling (emotional complaining)

     b. Disputing (intellectual complaining)

 3. Accusations against a colleague, supervisor, or board member/s.

Because conflict acts in, an ever expanding circle, it must be dealt with swiftly. Therefore, everybody must buy-into a simple, easy to understand THREE STEP procedure:

 1. ASAP, go privately to the person you suspect is the cause of one of the above 3 Conflict Engendering Items (CEI). [This occurs after the first meeting, or run-in, where the CEI occurred].

     a. The purpose of this meeting is reconciliation. It is not to rehash history. It is to clear up a misunderstanding or the CEI.

     b. If a CEI is present, then the best scenario is for your Colleague to say: “You are right, please forgive me”. At this point, the only appropriate response from you would be – “I forgive you”. 

          i. Both Colleagues move forward as if the offense never occurred and the organization’s HIGH MORAL wins.

     c. What cannot happen, and is totally inappropriate behavior, is for the offended individual to go to anyone else with this problem. You are not allowed to confess someone else’s mistakes/sins. In that situation, the person, you are GOSSIPING TO should say: “What this person did/said may or may not be true, but you talking to me about this is gossip.” Even if you don’t use the person’s name, the result will still be the same – you are damaging the HIGH MORAL of the organization – you are spreading the discontent.

  2. If you cannot resolve the conflict by following STEP ONE, choose an impartial “counselor” to go with you. (Often the reason for not resolving the conflict is the person does not want the initial meeting with you). The counselor should help the individuals to negotiate a resolution. The counselor must not be informed of the facts prior to the meeting. This would make him/her biased to the individual explaining the “facts”. The counselor is not there for either individual but for Maintaining the HIGH MORAL of the organization.

     a. If the counselor cannot achieve a resolution he/she becomes a witness who gathers facts for STEP THREE.

 3. If neither STEP ONE nor TWO resolves the conflict, all three individuals appear before the CONFLICT RESOLUTION BOARD. This board must have the authority to discipline the individual/s through whatever steps are appropriate, including termination of association with the organization. Their duty would be to listen to both sides, excuse the two individuals so that they can deliberate with the “counselor”, and determine the proper action.

It is recommended that everyone in the organizations initials each of the THREE CONFLICT RESOLUTION STEPS, dates, and signs the Pledge.

Some additional advice:

 1. If the problem will go away, without employing any of the above steps, members of the organization should let it. The only time to address a problem is if it will not go away.

 2.You don’t have to “take offense”. Just leave the “bait” on the trap (The Bait of Satan: Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense by John Bevere).

 3. General rule of thumb: If it stinks, don’t stir it.

 4. Everybody can have an off day. If somebody “gossips” to you, he/she may just be venting. Don’t repeat what you heard to anyone. Instead, go to them the next day, and ask them if they still feel this way about their colleague/supervisor. If they do not then let it go – forget it ever happened and do not repeat what you heard. However, if they do still feel offended, explain to them that they have two options, either to go to the person who offended them, or you are going to set up a private meeting for just the two of them. Everybody in the organization must be responsible for protecting its’ HIGH MORAL.

 5. Try to work this “Conflict Resolution Pledge” into everyone’s Employment Contracts. It should help free your organization from CEI’s, Slander suits, and will help weed out individuals determined to harm the HIGH MORAL of the organization. It will also make Borger, TX a much better place to live.

 6. This material is original with Jesus (Gleaned from Matthew 18:15-20). Feel free to customize it for your organization and to share with other MANAGERS/LEADERS/CEO’s in Borger. I would feel honored to explain this to any focus group you choose. Since I gleaned this from Jesus you don’t have to footnote or give me credit for any of the above you should choose to use.